Purple Tropical Space Hamsters

Don't get drunk - Get furry!

This beverage is getting to be an institution, but without the red tape and nasty paint colours.

History of the Beast

It started as a misguided attempt to avoid alcahol, but ended up as a miraculously successful way to avoid drunkenness and confine the hangover to the knees.

It is traditionally served in a large container (anything from a 3 litre jug to a kitchen bin ), and passed round from person to person - in the case of the kitchen bin lengths of syphon tubing may be used as straws to overcome the problems of passing a 20kilo hamster around the room, and the associated difficulties of not spilling copious amounts of crushed ice when sipping delicately at the rim.

In emergencies, such as when trying to get your favourite bartender to make one, it is acceptable to go for the ordinary half pint version, which is where the hamster originated.

The standard Space Hamster is an innocuos but palatable mix of orange juice and Industrial Strength (Schweppes by preference) Blackcurrant, served in a glass of crushed ice.

It became a Purple Space Hamster by the addition of a double measure of Blue Curacao, and finally mutated into the Tropical version with the addition of a measure of Malibu. With a little tinkering, the recipe now stands as follows;

Half Pint Emergency PTSH

Fill a glass with crushed ice and add;

1 measure Blue Curacao, 1 measure Malibu, 1 measure Industrial Strength Blackcurrant cordial, and top up with orange juice - stir. DO NOT use a blender, as the colour gets really odd.

Traditional PTSH

Fill a suitable container with crushed ice from your friendly neighbourhood trade ice supplier. An alternative to this source is in fact the ONLY useful function of MacDonalds - at a push and with a couple of carrier bags, you will probably manage to blag a load of ice from them - tell them you're having a charity party and have run out. You will then have to find your own way of crushing it. We have found the best way to be by half filling a carrier bag, twisting the neck to confine the ice, wrapping it in a towel (still holding the bag neck), and hitting the floor repeatedly with it ( or even placing it on the floor and smashing it repeatedly with a sturdy frying pan ).

Anyway, to this add equal numbers of bottles of Malibu and Blue Curacao plus an extra Blue Curacao for every 2 or 3 Malibu - this also depends on the colour and orange juice content. For each bottle of Blue Curacao, you will probably need about 3 litres of orange juice and half a litre of blackcurrant.

Stir,

Get Hamstered. You will not get drunk, but after a while you may discover that your lower legs don't feel quite normal. The result of a room of people sharing a suitably sized hamster seems to be a general raising of the level of humour and well-being in a way unique to the PTSH.

The next morning, the only after effects seem to be symptoms of a hangover, restricted to the knees; don't ask me why, I just invented the thing. It was named as a collaborative effort by me (The Iron Chicken), and Tiny Clanger - who has since wandered off somewhere, no doubt on somewhat woblly knees.

The dedicated alcaholics PTSH

Use Creme de Cassis instead of blackcurrant cordial. Can't make any guarantees on getting hamstered and avoiding a hangover though!

Notes

1. The use of Industrial Strength Blackcurrant cordial is vital - it may not taste good on its own, but it is an extremely important ingredient in the PTSH. Ribena / C-Vit and other such drinks just don't work, perhaps because they taste a bit like blackcurrants, unlike the stuff you usually get behind bars.

2. The colour (ie purple) takes quite a lot of doing, as the tendency is to get a bit sort of mud-coloured. The right balance of ingredeints, however, does come up with purple (sometimes!).